你的眼睛是海。
你的微笑是海。
每個早晨,我醒來, 在冷冷的床上。
每個早晨,我的臉是濕的。
我在工作時,感覺到海摸我。
我在走路回家時,我聽到海,我聞到海,我想到海。
你離開了我,可是,海還是在這裡。到處都有海。
當我朋友在說話時,我只聽到海。
當女人在跳舞時,我只看到海。
我迷失在海了。
–
Translation:
Your eyes are the sea.
Your smile is the sea.
Each morning, I wake in a cold bed,
Each morning, my face is wet.
At work, I feel the sea touching me.
When I walk home, I hear the sea, I smell the sea, I think of the sea.
You have left me, but the sea is still here. The sea is everywhere.
When my friends talk, I only hear the sea.
When women dance, I only see the sea.
I am lost in the sea.
Daniel
四月 9, 2006 於 5:23 am
Lovely!Lovely! I’m trying not to cry.
Sorry, but can’t help correcting the structure of some parts of your sentences.
1. “each morning” should be “mei ge zao chen 每個早晨” or “mei
ge zao shang 每個早上”. “ge 個” is measurement.
2. “I wake in a cold bed” should be “wo zai leng leng de chuang
shang xing lai 我在冷冷的床上醒來” or ” wo xing lai, zai leng
leng de chuang shang 我醒來, 在冷冷的床上”. We usually put
“de 的” after an adjective. For example, we say “yi dua piao
liang de hua 一朵漂亮的花 ( a beautiful flower )”, not “yi
dua piao liang hua”.
3. ” My face is wet.” should be “wo lian shi shi de 我臉是濕的
“. or you can consider adding “de 的” after “wo 我 ” to make it
sound more cadent here.
4.” when women dance ” should be ” dang nu ren zai tiao wu shi
當女人在跳舞時”.
5. ” I’m lost in the sea. 我迷失了在海” – it’d be better if you
remove ” le 了 ” to the end, so it will be “我迷失在海了”
I’m going to teach my kindergarten students your poems in English. Hope you don’t mind. And I’m waiting for your next poem!
四月 9, 2006 於 7:48 am
Ok! Thanks for the corrections, I’ve added them to the poem
四月 9, 2006 於 10:49 am
Nice! I think you’ll be happy with wordpress. I love it.
四月 9, 2006 於 12:46 午後
hahaha… wordpress rocks!
四月 11, 2006 於 4:06 am
Actually I think that the last sentence “我迷失了在海” is great~
You can add a comma, like this: “我迷失了,在海”
means (I’ve been lost, in the sea)
八月 10, 2006 於 6:37 am
“在海” did not sound good “zai hai” in rythum ? “我迷失了,茫茫海中” sounds better ?
三月 26, 2007 於 8:55 am
無意間逛到你的部落格
這首詩寫得很好喔
清清淡淡的
感覺有出來
有另一種風格….
五月 8, 2007 於 11:49 午後
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